I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
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Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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