I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
