Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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