I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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