I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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