Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When did we convert life to cartoon?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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