the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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