see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
