All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
