Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
