she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
