she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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