She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
