he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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