Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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