dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
