apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
