The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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