Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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