I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
