i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
