Kiss
Puke
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
