Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
