This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
