I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
