Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize