I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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