I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
