I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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