I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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