I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize