Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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