Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize