when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drunk is not a location!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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