I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
