So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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