Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
