Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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