i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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