I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
