Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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