ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
