Michael Bay diarrhea
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
