It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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