Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
