apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
