Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
