Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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