Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
