your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
