Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
