legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
