Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
