I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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