Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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