it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
