he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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