Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
